How do you know it’s time to quit?

At one of my recent coaching sessions, a client told me about a project she had committed to correctly. She had created a space on social media where she shared her creative work. She took photos, described her process, posted when she had the energy for it, and enjoyed doing it. A few months later, there was no validation from the online world. She didn’t feel supported by the people close to her either. The lack of visible results discouraged her, she decided the whole thing was pointless, and stopped.

The question she asked me was: how do I know whether this commitment has used up my energy and it’s time to move on, or whether the doubts come from my busy mind?

Sound familiar?

Listen to your internal narrative

The mind is easiest to recognize by the way it engages in a conversation. So, first I ask her what her skepticism sounds like.

♦ Three months have passed – where are the results?

♦ Why keep putting effort into something that’s going nowhere?

♦ Why doesn’t anyone support me?

♦ If this were worth it, wouldn’t I have gotten positive feedback from the online community by now?

Each of these questions comes from a specific place in her design.

Where are the results? asks the sacral center. The Generator’s energy wants to be invested and to come back as satisfaction, and when results are slow to come, the mind decides that energy was wasted.

Why doesn’t anyone support me? asks ambition – a strength that instinctively senses what has a future, but needs the support of its tribe to keep going.

If this were worth it, wouldn’t I have gotten positive feedback by now? asks the inconsistent willpower. When you don’t have constant access to a sense of your own worth, you look for confirmation outside – in numbers, in likes, in someone’s approval.

These are arguments. The body doesn’t argue.

The body talks through sensations

The sacral response doesn’t come with arguments. It shows up in the body: lack of energy, sluggishness, putting off specific tasks, heaviness at the thought of the next post.

Besides not speaking the same language, the mind and the body aren’t even talking about the same thing. The mind argues about the result – how many people, how many likes, how much time has passed. The body responds to the activity itself. That’s why the question to check with is different: “If no one were watching and there was nothing to measure, would I have the energy for this?”

What if it’s just a plateau?

When you take on a long-term commitment, there’s enthusiasm and a peak of energy at the start. Over time it fades and the plateau sets in. This is where many Generators quit, because they mistake the plateau for a lack of response.

So before you quit, check. Talk to someone who can give you an outside view and a fresh perspective. Change your environment – go for a walk or take a trip. Get out of your head and into your body: yoga, sports, breathing, the mountains. Or lose yourself in a book that takes you to another world without having to travel.

If after this break and recharge you still feel sluggish and have no energy for this particular project, it’s not a plateau. It has come to an end.

I often live with this dilemma myself. I know how much I’m investing, and my mind wants results. I hear its questions and reproaches:  Where are my results? How long are we going to keep investing? You’re just wasting your time.  I choose to follow my energy, but it takes a lot of self-observation – catching the thought in time, talking to someone or writing in my journal, getting out of my head. Travel has always helped me with long-term commitments like work and parenting.

What do you feel like quitting right now? If you catch the way you talk to yourself about it, how would you describe it? Is it the mind or the body? Are you wondering whether to change your job or direction – and if so, is it a plateau or the end?

Where to from here?

If you recognize yourself in these questions, The Transition Map is the place to explore them. I help people who are living someone else’s life find their own. Six months of individual work in three directions – where you are, who you are, and which way to go – in which, together, we analyze what in you is steady and what you’ve taken on from others.

→ See The Transition Map