Coaching is a development process in which a coach uses questions and feedback to help a person get clear on what they want, set goals and reach them using their own resources. A coach doesn’t hand out ready-made answers – they help bring to the surface the answers the person already carries within.
The literal meaning of coaching is “to train”, “to teach” and the coach can be best identified as a “trainer” or “instructor”. So, what IS a coach? And coaching? How is a coach different from a sports trainer or a motivational speaker? All great questions, because they give me a chance to explain all the layers and opportunities that lie behind the word “coach”.
The origins of the word, as you might have guessed, come from sports. In sports, the goal of the coach is to build on the talents and to make the best use of the potential of the athletes who are under his or her training. The coach may or may not have expertise in the sport itself; what a successful coach must be able to do is to set goals and to motivate his or her athletes to achieve them.
Besides the sports methods, coaching also relies on psychological techniques. According to the classic behavioral psychology, a person can be seen as an empty vessel, in which everything can, and should, be poured – education, manners, knowledge, values, discipline, and so on. According to the psychological theories on which coaching is based, each individual is viewed as an acorn – we all have the potential to develop into powerful and impressive oaks. Of course, we need support, encouragement, and inspiration, and all the skills and greatness we are capable of are already within us.
The key words in coaching are potential, values, goals and execution. To sum up: coaching is an approach that unlocks people’s potential by uncovering their core values, setting goals based on them and supporting their execution.
What does a coaching session look like?
A session lasts about an hour and can take place in person or online. The client sets the topic – a decision ahead, a career transition, a feeling that something is out of place. The coach listens, asks questions and shares what they notice: recurring words, contradictions, the energy with which the person talks about one thing or another.
At the end of the session there is a concrete next step. And the most important work happens between sessions – that’s when the person tries things out, observes and brings what they’ve discovered into the next conversation.
What is the difference between coaching, therapy, mentoring and consulting?
The four are often confused, because all of them involve a conversation. The difference lies in where the conversation is looking and who holds the answers.
Therapy works with emotional difficulties and their roots in the past. It is the work of a psychologist or psychotherapist.
Mentoring is a relationship with a more experienced person from the same field, who shares their path and gives advice.
Consulting means working with an expert who analyzes the situation and proposes a solution. When I review someone’s CV, for example, I give specific recommendations – that’s consulting.
Coaching looks ahead. The expert on the client’s life is the client – the coach guides the process but doesn’t decide for them.
When does coaching help – and when it doesn’t?
Coaching helps when you’re facing a decision or a transition: changing jobs, starting over after a layoff, a promotion, returning after a long break. It also helps when everything looks fine from the outside, but inside you feel you’re living a life that isn’t yours. Or when you know what you don’t want, but not yet what you do want. Or when you know what you want, but not how to get there.
Coaching isn’t the right choice for depression, severe anxiety, trauma or crisis – then the first step is a psychologist or psychotherapist. It also isn’t for the moment when you’re looking for someone to tell you what to do. And it doesn’t work when the change is wanted by someone else – your boss, your partner, your family – and not by you.
If you’re wondering whether coaching is for you, see “Who needs coaching?”. And for its different forms – “What are the main types of coaching?”
Frequently asked questions
How long does a coaching session last?
About 60 minutes.
How many sessions are needed?
It depends on the topic. For a single, specific decision, two or three sessions are sometimes enough. For a deeper change, such as a new career direction, the work usually takes several months.
Can coaching be done online?
Yes. All my sessions in recent years have been online, and they work just as well as in person.
How do I choose a coach?
Look at their certifications and experience, but above all at whether you feel at ease and heard when you talk to them. More on this in “How to select a coach?”.
Who wrote this article?
I’m Teodora Lilova – a coach with 15 years of experience and more than 400 clients. I’m certified as a Life Purpose Coach and Goal Success Coach, as well as by the Hudson Institute (Spot Coaching), and in my career coaching I also include human design as a certified BG5 consultant. More about the two main areas I work in: Life purpose coaching and Goal success coaching.
Where to from here?
It’s one thing to know what coaching is. It’s another to know that you need it. And if something in you says it’s time for a change, the question isn’t only what coaching is – it’s what kind of coaching is right for you.
I work with people in transition – when what used to work no longer does and the way forward is still unclear. I help people who live someone else’s life find their own. The program is called The Transition Map: six months of individual work in which, together, we explore who you are, how you make decisions, and what your next direction is.