The Undefined Will looks for its value outside

A few days ago I felt left out. Not hurt, not criticized – invisible.

And of course, that immediately made me doubt my own value and contribution.

Sound familiar?

A few years ago, I was the one who opened doors for her and supported her when she was looking for direction. I was by her side in the years when she was growing. I coached her, encouraged her to find a new role and created an environment where she felt safe and accepted.

Recently, she publicly thanked the people from her career path – by name, with words of gratitude, with the way they had made her feel. I was by her side for half of that path, and yet my contribution found no place in her post.

Emotions swirled through my body. I wanted to cry. I had the urge to write to her, to tell her it hurt, to ask for the recognition I felt she owed me.

Then I stopped.

I realized that my undefined will was looking for its value outside. Instead of waiting for someone to confirm my contribution and validate my part in our relationship, I decided to give it to myself – and wrote this in my journal:

I opened the door for her at a time when she was looking for direction and opportunity. I saw potential and supported it – not only with words, but with actions and trust. I saw her, encouraged her, supported her growth and gave her space to develop. I gave her not just an opportunity, but an environment where she could feel safe and accepted.

Whether my contribution is publicly acknowledged is not what matters. What matters is that it is part of her real path. I was a factor in her development – and that is a fact, not an interpretation.

It doesn’t need to be recognized to be true. It already is.

In Human Design, the will (also called the heart or ego center) is connected to self-worth, willpower and the promises we make. In most people,  it is undefined: the will energy comes and goes and isn’t constantly available. That’s why it’s so easy to search for our value outside – in recognition, in proving ourselves, in constant giving. As with the undefined head and the identity center, this isn’t a deficit. It’s where we learn about value – other people’s and our own.

If you don’t have constant access to your willpower, you know what I’m talking about. Your value doesn’t live in other people’s recognition. You can give it to yourself, without depending on outside influences, moods or awareness.

Can you give yourself value without someone else’s approval?

Where to from here?

If you recognize yourself in these questions, The Transition Map is the place to explore them. I help people who are living someone else’s life find their own. Six months of individual work in three directions – where you are, who you are, and which way to go – in which, together, we analyze what in you is steady and what you’ve taken on from others.

→ See The Transition Map